STRESS is chilling up my spine

trying to absorb all the knowledge i can
i pray that my exams will turn out well
exams are like chess which you can never predict
feel like dying when i flunk my exam. zzz



I shouted for help. Minutes passed and I began to feel dizzy as I swayed like a pendulum. Fortunately, I was lying by a lake as the current of the river flows in a flowy blue satin dress as my hair being disturbed by the rage of the current in the middle of the woods. Never did I thought that life could be tranquil and solemn because in reality, i would have been pulled away by the river if I ever didn't try to fight against the current. Life is not that simple. The EAT, SLEEP & DIE philosophy never did apply or what so ever. Daydreaming about how we want our life to turn out is just a mere illusion and impossible to achieve if it is out of this world. Never put faith in the world is what I thought myself.
"THE WEAK SHALL DIE, THE STRONGEST SHALL LIVE" that's the code for the survival of the fittest. Harsh and cruel yet applicable but not to the extend of being blood guilty. In this dog-eat-dog world, everyone has to fend for themselves in one way or another.
In comparison as the statement above, examination is a reflection of how well a person achieves. Thus, doing our level best is not always what people put our judgement on, the the comparison of achievement between one's ability and art with another is how the world judges. Having this vague point of view in mind is stuck in my head like a parasite or cancer that is very hard to get rid on and it becomes futile.
Having an environment where hopeful people places their reliance and expectation on my shoulder is thus a burdensome one. Not only my parents and other people who expects me to do my best BUT it's I, I am the one who place an aeon's of expectation in myself. Numb with fear, I already knew that each and everyone has their limits, I try to place myself out of the box. Trying to achieve something that not everyone can ever achieve. For my selfishness gave my pride away, there was no turning back to the past even though how much i wanted to turn back the time and erase the "red spots" that I've made. The list was long, but I seemed to have a new perspective of life. Getting hold of myself, trying to score a "flush" in a gamble is the same of how much I want to Ace my exams my flying colours. With pride but not haughtiness, "THE SPIRIT IS STRONG BUT THE SOUL IS WEAK" was what i placed at first place even though it was irrelevant. The stress was just accumulating like a bundled of dry leaves; easy to crack. I wish the dry leaves could just cracked and fly away in to specks of dust. Exam was what I wish to be like the dry leaves.
How hard I tried, my sweat didn't seem to pay off. I wonder why at times, BUT the answers don't seem to get across my mind. At times of giving up in life, I always place my thought in 20 years time of how I wanted a reflection of mine to be. You can thus imagine the excruciating consequences in the regard of slacking one's life as I wasn't born with a "silver spoon." If that's the case, soon the breadwinner of the family will tire out, then who will replace that position? I love my parents till death and words that cannot describe this feeling that was within me. In connection with this, I was eager to study even though my "Mr. Hyde" of me seems to get the bet of me a times.
Exams and hard work is everyone should place first in life beside the superiority position of our GOD and FAMILY. They are in a different league. There is a boundary between doing well and doing the best we can. It differs completely and stress will just build up if I don't study. It creeps in to the soul, every sleepless night I get, the guilty facade i put on. As I focus on what I want to achieve; being a successful person in a godly life. Being a dreamer at times; most of time i presume, i will picture a "Red hot baby FERRARI car" in mind, that sometimes give me inspiration in life to study harder and achieve my level best.
Hence, stress thus have it's pros and cons. It's not always the cons because sometimes, all we need is a wider view of perspective as there is GOOD STRESS and BAD STRESS. Having this mixed feeling in me, the conclusion is.... STRESS MOTIVATES ME TO STUDY. Even though this may seem awkward to people, the only thing that matters is how the fruits of our produce turn out to be in the end of the day.


"If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it; every arrow that flies feels the attraction of earth" by Henry Wadsworth, Longfellow

(I will blast this song out loud when I'm under stress)


"Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress
Just tell him to the left, left, left
Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress
We gone and we gone and we gone
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl, you deserve nothing but the best
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl, you need to tell him"

-Leavin' by Jesse Mc Cartney